


Seven Dirty Words

by von_gelmini



Series: Banned Together Bingo 2020 [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bad Boy Tony Stark, Bets & Wagers, Bullying, Explicit Language, M/M, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Peer Sexual Situations, Pre-Relationship, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, misogynistic language, same age au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/von_gelmini/pseuds/von_gelmini
Summary: “No way,” Nat scoffed. “Pretty perfect prissy Peter Parker…” Tony gave her a sideways glare, “…willneversay all seven of those words. I’ll believemaybefive. But the other two? Never.”“Which other two,” Clint asked her, puzzled look on his face. Nat leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Yep. No way he says all seven.”
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Series: Banned Together Bingo 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762255
Comments: 24
Kudos: 396
Collections: Banned Banned Together Bingo 2020, Banned Together Bingo 2020





	Seven Dirty Words

Peter Parker was the sweetest, most innocent, _clearly_ virgin, flower at Midtown Tech. Utterly clueless to nine-tenths of what was going on around him. He wandered around in fluffy long sweaters, with thumb holes no less. Completely oblivious to anyone who ever took notice of his messy chestnut curls, his honey brown doe eyes, or his very pert little ass. Or who might’ve been paying enough attention to notice how the gym uniform showed off his lean, strong thighs, his broad shoulders and narrow waist, and the fact that his arms were far less delicate than his sweater sleeves indicated.

 _All_ of which were things that Tony Stark definitely took notice of. Tony was the exact opposite of Peter in just about every way. He was an archetypal bad boy. He knew everything that was going on around him. He was aware that everyone thought he was sex on legs, albeit more trouble than he was probably worth — and he was worth a lot of trouble according to the guys he’d been to bed with. He wore his almost black hair in slicked back waves. His eyes were like dark chocolate and almost as bitter. Except when he thought he wasn’t being observed while he was observing pretty Peter Parker.

“You’re drooling on your lunch,” Nat said with an overexaggerated eyeroll.

“Peter isn’t going to give you the time of day,” Steve said. “He knows what you are.”

“Remind me why we let you sit at our table again, Rogers,” Tony said, his voice dripping with disgust. “Oh yeah. You keep my friend Bucky’s cock warm. I’m tellin’ ya Buck, you can do better than a blond himbo.”

Steve got to half-standing before Bucky put his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder and sat him down. “All right Stark,” Bucky warned. “We’ve had this fight before. Let it go.”

Peter was coming back from the lunch line when he tripped over his own feet just as he was walking past Tony’s table. He managed to catch himself before he hit the ground _and_ save his tray at the same time. But when he stood up and looked to see who's table he’d fallen in front of, he blushed. “Shit,” he muttered quietly, embarrassed, and quickly walked on to the nerds’ table.

Everyone at Tony’s table was wide-eyed to hear the sweet innocent Peter Parker come out with that word.

“Language!” Steve called out.

Tony snickered. “Well, he knows one of the seven.”

“Betcha that’s the only one he knows,” Rhodes said. “Run ’em, Tones.”

“The heavy seven,” Tony said with a smirk. “You think Parker’s got it in him?”

“Nah,” Bucky said. “No way.” “Wanna bet?” Tony said.

“Against who?” Rhodes asked. “We’re all in agreement.”

“Are we?” Tony arched his eyebrow.

“Tony, even you aren’t desperate enough to take that bet,” Nat said.

Tony shrugged. “What’s the odds you’re all gonna give me?”

“What are the words?” Steve said, frowning, trying to think of all the words he never said, despite being allowed to sit at the bad kids’ table and being boyfriends with Bucky-swears-like-an-army-sergeant-Barnes.

“Fewer than you think,” Tony snorted. “Seven. That’s all. The ones you can never say on TV, ever.”

“Goddamn?” Steve posited. “That one of them?”

The table laughed.

“No, babe. But what, specifically, are they?” Bucky asked. “I can think of three… maybe four.”

“Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker and tits,” Tony said, very fast.

Rhodey laughed. They’d found an old comedy album, probably once belonging to Howard, up in Tony’s attic.

“No way,” Nat scoffed. “Pretty perfect prissy Peter Parker…” Tony gave her a sideways glare, “…will _never_ say all seven of those words. I’ll believe _maybe_ five. But the other two? Never.”

“Which other two,” Clint asked her, puzzled look on his face. Nat leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Yep. No way he says all seven.”

“Rhodey, make us a spread,” Tony said, passing his graph notebook over. “Number of words each of us wagers that he’ll say, over time. Max time, one month. Betting open only to this table. Give us odds and everyone place your bets. Keep it quiet, guys. You’ll ruin the experiment. Skews the result when the subject knows and no one else in this school can keep their damn mouths shut.”

“Meddling allowed?” Clint asked.

“Sure. As long as it’s not a direct prompt and as long as you don’t tell Parker. One of you clues him in, the game ends and all bets are mine by default,” Tony warned.

∼∼∼∼∼

“Oh, fuck you, Barton!” Nat yelled down the hall at top volume when she was standing next to Peter.

“You shouldn’t say that,” Peter chided, hand on his hip. “Some of the freshmen at this school are early entrants and too young to hear you say that word.”

“Yeah, I know. ‘Barton’ is a dirty fucking word,” she scowled.

“No. Not his name. The other word.”

“What other word, Parker?” Nat turned, smirking at him.

“You know! There are kids here.”

“No, I don’t know. Enlighten me, Parker. What fucking word should I eliminate from my motherfucking vocabulary,” she said, going for two.

“‘Fuck’,” Peter hissed quietly. “Jess is only eleven. Her locker’s next to mine. Thankfully she doesn’t come to her locker between second and third period.”

“God, Parker.” Nat shook her head before chasing after Clint. “Hold the FUCK up!”

“I got fuck out of him,” she told Clint and Tony when she caught up to them.

“Corroboration?” Tony asked.

“I heard it,” Bucky said. “Everyone with two, moves on. That’s you out, gorgeous,” he said to Steve and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“I wouldn’t have thought it,” Steve said, shaking his head sadly. “A lot of people say the s-word when startled. I didn’t hold that against Peter. But the f-word?”

Tony sputtered a laugh. “Bucky, does he ever swear when you’re f-wording him?”

Steve blushed as red as the stripes on his American flag notebook.

“Best I ever got was a little light blasphemy,” Bucky said, draping his arm over Steve’s shoulder and pulling him in for a kiss. “Or maybe I really am god.”

“Let me at America’s ass and I bet I could get an f-word or two outta him,” Tony leered.

Steve stepped back. Even though he had a good four inches and thirty pounds on Tony, Tony was a dirty fighter. Steve found that out the hard way. So he left it to Bucky to defend his honor. Which he did.

Bucky wasn’t a clean fighter either and had height on Tony. But Tony wasn’t just a dirty fighter, he could be down right nasty when he thought he was losing. By the time five teachers and the coach managed to break it up, both of them were bleeding. And both of them got a three day suspension.

∼∼∼∼∼

Once the so-called ‘f-word’ passed Peter’s lips, it did so again, same as the s-word had. Always said very quietly when Peter was utterly exasperated with a situation.

Clint, Bucky, Rhodey, and Steve (reluctantly), boxed Peter in against the wall when Peter was carrying a hall pass.

“Heading somewhere?” Bucky asked.

“The bathroom,” Peter said nervously.

“Why? Gonna take a bath?

“Please let me pass.”

“Pass where? Where’s that pass for?” Clint asked, moving in closer, making the box tighter.

“The lavatory,” Peter tried a different word.

“Lavatory… derived from the Latin _lavare_ by way of the medieval Latin _lavatorium_ , meaning wash basin,” Rhodey droned, imitating the school’s boring Latin teacher. “Going to wash your hands, Parker?”

He was even more intimidating than usual. Thursdays were his Air Force JROTC days. Which he somehow managed to stay in, despite being best friends with Tony Stark. It helped that Tony took the blame/credit for any hijinks that Rhodey got himself into.

“Fuck,” Peter muttered. “I need to go to the ba… I need to pee.”

Clint was prepared. He opened his notebook and pulled out a cut-out paper letter ‘P’. “You need a P?” he asked, tossing it at Peter.

Clint, Rhodey, and Bucky all had three-plus words in the pool. Steve got dragged along because Bucky insisted, even though he was out of the race.

“Guys, please.”

“Please what, Parker?” Bucky asked. His black eye was an ugly yellow and the ragged cut on his forehead only made him look more menacing.

“I need to… piss,” Peter finally said.

“Shit, son, why didn’t you just say so,” Rhodey said, stepping out of Peter’s way, laughing. “Hope you make it, Parker.”

“Skirtin’ close to the rules on that one,” Tony drawled.

“Didn’t prompt him,” Clint said.

“He doesn’t know,” Bucky added.

“Game still on,” Rhodey said, unfolding the graph of the spread. “Three plus advancing. Which is everyone. Bucky has six. I have four. Clint and Nat have five. Steve’s out. And Tony’s in for all seven.”

Tony walked off saying, “Should’a made everyone list which ones they were counting toward their total.”

“Should’a, but you didn’t,” Rhodey said with a nod, following him.

“Or made him have to say them in order,” Clint said, trailing behind, sharing shop class with the other two.

“But you didn’t,” Nat chimed in, joining from the other hall.

∼∼∼∼∼

“Everybody’s gotta have at least an _ounce_ of cool in them. Even you, Parker,” Rhodey said, giving Peter a friendly smile, falling into step beside him. They shared AP Spanish.

Peter blushed and looked down. Of the bad boys, which included one bad girl, Rhodes was the nicest, the bathroom incident notwithstanding. “I promise you, James, I am completely lacking.”

“Nah, kid.” They were the same age. “You gotta have an ounce in there somewhere. You ever see Pulp Fiction?”

“Yes,” Peter admitted. “Ned’s older brother likes it.”

“See!” Rhodes said brightly. “One ounce. I was thinking of taking drama. You wanna do a scene with me?”

Peter giggled. “I’m not in drama.”

“Yeah, but I really need to get expressing fear down. I’m having trouble with emotions. Carol, who is in drama, says you have to do exercises in emotions. She’s into drama and I’m into her. Only, fear is hard for me. But there’s a great fear scene in Pulp Fiction. You be Jules, I’ll be Brett.”

“Wouldn’t it be better if…”

Rhodes quirked an accusing eyebrow. “Are you saying that I have to be Jules?”

“No… no. It’s just… Jules has more lines.”

“I know, that’s what makes it hard. I have to show fear just using one word. If I do that for tryouts, it’ll really impress her. Do you remember the scene?”

“Uh huh.”

“Fantastic!” Rhodey grinned. “You start it with: ‘What does Marcellus Wallace look like?’ Can you take it on your own from there?”

“Uh… yeah, I remember it.” Peter sighed. “It’s Ron’s favorite movie. We have to sit through it, and not tell Ned’s mom, if we want to watch anything that we want to.”

“Okay then. Go.”

Peter bit his lip. He wasn’t any kind of an actor, but all he had to do was _say_ his lines and James would react to them. He didn’t have to _act_ the lines. It was nice that James was being friendly to him. On his own, away from (the _not at all_ hot and sexy) Tony Stark’s influence, James had always seemed nice.

“What does Marcellus Wallace look like?” Peter said quietly.

Rhodey quivered his lip in fear. “What?”

“What country are you from,” Peter said the next line very much like a shy white boy and very much unlike a table-throwing Samuel L. Jackson.

“Wh… wha… what?” Rhodes was hamming it up. A small group had gathered but kept their distance, not wanting to risk interrupting the ridiculous-looking drama.

“That isn’t a country I’ve heard of.” Peter corrected Tarantino's grammar. “Do they speak English in What?”

“What?” Rhodey managed to look terrified.

“English, motherfucker, do you speak it,” Peter said meekly, being quiet on the swear word.

The collected group and Rhodey burst into laughter. “There’s your ounce of cool for the day.” He turned and bowed to the crowd. “Courtesy of one Peter B. Parker.” Everyone headed off to class so as not to miss the bell. Peter was quiet and near tears during Spanish.

After the class let out, Tony was waiting down the hall. He grabbed Rhodey by the shirt collar and dragged him into the bathroom, pushing him up against the wall. “You’re a prick,” he hissed.

Rhodey shrugged. “He’s your boyfriend, not mine.” Tony let go and he straightened out his shirt. “Got the word. That’s four. Which means I’m out if he says one more. I was doing _you_ a favor.”

Tony pushed past Rhodey, kicking the door open. “Don’t do me anymore!”

∼∼∼∼∼

The table didn’t have to do anything to get the next word out of Peter. That came courtesy of Flash Thompson. Popular, bully, but never quite making the cut for the table. Flash bullied Peter, the table bullied Flash. Shit rolled downhill just like the gods intended.

“You know you do, Penis.”

“Just leave me alone, Flash,” Peter sighed, tired of listening to the other boy.

“You’d totally do it for Tony Stark. You’d beg him for it.”

Peter turned bright red. He turned to walk away but ran into Clint and Nat, who were making out against the lockers. “Sorry.”

“Did you hear something?” Nat said.

“Nothing worth noticing, honey.”

“Shut the fuck up, Barton.” Nat shut him up with a kiss.

“You’d trip over your own two feet to get on your knees if Stark so much as looked at you,” Flash taunted.

Clint and Nat broke their kiss just long enough to give the other a curious look.

Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Shut the fuck up, Flash,” he said, in quiet imitation of Nat.

Flash spun Peter around, putting his back to his locker and punched him in the gut. “Say it, Penis.” He grabbed Peter’s shoulders, standing him back up and slamming him into the lockers. “If you won’t do it, say, ‘I’m not a cocksucker’ and maybe I’ll believe you. Say it or I’ll tell everyone you are.” He pulled his fist back, threatening another punch.

Peter had tears welling in his eyes. “I’m not a cocksucker,” he said, sniffling.

Flash’s hands were suddenly pulled off Peter’s shoulders because he was yanked away into the middle of the hall. Tony’s fist shot up, catching him on his jaw, sending Flash sprawling, unconscious, on the floor.

“Who cares, Parker?” Tony said nonchalantly. “I suck dick if the guy’s cute enough and lets me fuck him. Got a problem with that?” Tony asked the crowd gathered to see the (very brief) fight.

Everyone shuffled away, heads down, making denials about caring. And no one had seen what happened to Flash when the teachers came asking.

∼∼∼∼∼

“We’ve got five. That leaves Nat and Clint on the cliff’s edge. Only Buck and Tone standing firm,” Rhodey said, marking off the sheet.

“You’ll never get the last two out of him,” Nat said. “He’s friends with that Jones chick. She’s one of those uber-feminists. If he says them, she’ll cut him a new asshole.”

“I gotta agree with Nat on this one,” Clint said.

“Of course you do,” Tony scoffed. “Otherwise you’re gonna have to come to me or Bucky if you wanna get your ass fucked.”

“That was one time!” Clint objected. “Even Deadpool got pegged in that movie. And he liked it.”

That sent the table laughing, even Nat, said wearer of the strap.

“You wouldn’t,” Steve said, shooting Bucky a look.

“Nah babe. You’ve got exclusive rights to my cock. You keep him more than happy.” He and Steve made out sloppily for a while. “Tony’s gotta take care of Barton’s ass all on his own if he pisses off Nat too much.”

Tony shrugged. “I’m not into straight guys, but to help a buddy out, I’d make the sacrifice.”

Clint threw his water bottle across the table at Tony, hitting the center of his forehead with the cap end with pinpoint accuracy. It sent Tony sprawling out of his chair, nearly braining him unconscious.

“Barbarians shouldn’t go up against Rangers,” Rhodey said.

“We should send Rhodes to the nerd table.” Steve said. You played D and D? Wait. Stark was a barbarian? He played too?” Steve started laughing.

“I was _not_ a barbarian. I was a rogue. And we were fucking ten. Your boyfriend was the barbarian,” Tony smirked, climbing back into his chair. “Barton was a ranger, Nat a wizard, and Rhodey was the barbarian. You, Rogers, were probably picking your nose in third grade, since you’re only a frosh. We’re seniors and you’re fifteen like the rest of us.”

“Lay off, Tony,” Bucky warned. “Or I’ll start running through your own list of dumb blonds.” He realized what he said. “Of which my dear Steven is not one.”

“Even Parker’s a senior,” Tony said, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, we all know your princess’ grade. And his class schedule. And what fucking color of fluffy sweater he wore yesterday,” Steve shot back.

“Ask him out already,” Nat said.

“So he can reject you,” Clint added.

“And we don’t have to hear about him anymore,” Rhodey finished.

“Game’s still on, losers,” Tony said, pushing away from the table, sporting a perfectly circular red spot on his forehead.

∼∼∼∼∼

The next word was also a freebie. Drawn out, in a literal sense of the word, by the person the table never would’ve expected.

Peter was sitting at the nerds’ table. Which was now next to the bad kids’ table. Tony’s group had been moving steadily up toward the back of the lunch room since the game began. Hoping to overhear more words, or get the opportunity to provoke them. These last two they all, even Tony, expected would take work.

They never would’ve guessed that one Michelle Jones would make Peter say one of _those_ words.

MJ held up her sketchbook. Peter sputtered and laughed.

“I don’t get it?” Ned said, looking at the picture of a girl with two tiny yellow chested birds on either hand, held up in front of her.

“Are you three?” Peter asked MJ.

With a straight face she answered, “I don’t know what you mean, Parker.”

Peter rolled his eyes. He did it almost as good as Tony did. The corners of MJ’s mouth twitched up just a little.

“I still don’t get it.” Ned said, looking closer. “It’s Cinderella, right?”

“No,” Peter said laughing still.

“What is it!?” Ned was getting annoyed at not being in on the joke.

“It’s a drawing of a girl with two birds,” MJ said.

“How is that funny?”

“They’re a pair of great tits,” Peter said, turning red.

Ned’s mouth gaped open and he stared at the picture.

“Get a good look, Leeds,” MJ said deadpan. “Only time you’ll see a pair.”

“That’s mean,” Peter said, swatting MJ’s arm.

“They’re not common birds in North America,” MJ said. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Parker.”

∼∼∼∼∼

To their credit, the table managed not to crack up until they got outside for a smoke break. The non-smokers always tagged along with Tony, Nat, and Bucky.

“Fuck,” Clint said. “I’d’a sworn he never would’ve said that.”

“Should it count?” Nat argued. “He wasn’t talking about tits.”

“Yes he was,” Bucky said, laughing. “Only way a boy _that_ gay is gonna ever mention them.”

“Oh shut up. You’re _that_ gay and you’re always talking about mine for some god only knows reason,” Nat said. “You’re just upset because you lost. But I’m gonna win. You’ll never get the last one out of him, Tony,” Bucky said. “No one else is gonna help you, either. Not with that word.”

“Leave the last word to me,” Tony smirked.

∼∼∼∼∼

“Peter,” Tony said, leaning against the locker next to the boy’s. He was only going to go for getting the word. But Peter was wearing the dark yellow sweater that went so well with his eyes. It distracted him.

Peter sighed heavily. “Whatever you’re doing, just leave me out of it, okay? Your best friend already had his fun.”

“The only reason he didn’t leave the bathroom head first is because we’ve been friends since first grade. Otherwise I’d’a laid him out like that wannabe, Thompson.”

“Yeah, right,” Peter said skeptically.

“I’d…” Tony hesitated. Tony never hesitated. “You wanna go out with me?” he finally asked in a rush.

“Huh?” Peter blinked, stunned. Then he came to his senses. “Great joke. Which of them put you up to this? Is there some kind of bet going on?”

“For me to ask you out? No.” Tony was offended. Sure, there was a bet, but not for this. He could get the word out of Peter without asking him out. “It’s… I think… you’re…” God he was stuttering as badly as Parker did. “I think you’re pretty,” Tony said, looking away.

“This is cruel, Tony,” Peter said, sadly. “Even for you. Half the school’s probably knows I have a crush on you, if Flash noticed.”

“You have a crush on me? Why?” He was dumbfounded.

Peter turned to face Tony and leaned his shoulder against his locker. “Because I don’t think this is who you are.”

Tony scoffed. “Yeah, Pete. This is who I am.”

“Okay, then.” Peter looked up, meeting Tony’s eye. “I don’t think this is _all_ of who you are.”

“You don’t know me,” Tony sighed.

“If you asking me out isn’t a joke or a bet, maybe I could get to?” Peter stepped closer so he could speak quietly. “I promise you, there’s more to you than this, Anthony.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth. It hung there a moment and then he closed it with an audible pop. He cocked his head to the side and examined Peter like he was some rare specimen of butterfly. And wondered why he hadn’t walked away. Or done worse. “It’s not a joke,” he said quietly. His plan for winning just flew out the window. “There isn’t a bet.”

Peter smirked. He leaned back again, far enough away that he had to speak conversationally for Tony to hear him.

“Then kiss me, you dumb cunt.”

**Author's Note:**

> My Starker blog on tumblr is [starker-stories](https://starker-stories.tumblr.com/).  
> Come on by and visit.


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